I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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