So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
how does that bad decision feel?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
