1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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