i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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