She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
