haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
nutella sex= disaster
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
