I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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