So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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