Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
