Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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