i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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