It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize