His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize