Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
