If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
