hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
