There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
