Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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