Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
