is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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