what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
