If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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