I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
