I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
