I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
