he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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