just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He passed out mid-signature
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
