doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
