she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
