he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize