I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
