Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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