Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He? As in you personified your dick?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
