I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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