Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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