You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
