I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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