And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
