my soul wont recognize me after tonight
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
