shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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