i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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