don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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