He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize