Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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