she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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