pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
