Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
