and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
