i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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