do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
