I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
