I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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