We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
