You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
