"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
