You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
