i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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