Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
