Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
