I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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