As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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