soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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