I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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