you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
