I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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