i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My penis needs a shock collar
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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