I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
