Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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