Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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