My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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