I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
